a poem

I would not call myself a poet
by any sort of the word
yet I wish I had
the hand of a steady writer
to use my pen as a weapon
of which to change minds
and turn heads
and provoke thought.
I would turn
words
into beautiful meadows
in which to rest
and flowing waterfalls
under which to bathe
I'm not a poet
by any sort of the word
but I am willing.

-Jen Kelly

a confession

we have not had youth for one month and 5 days. I have a confession to make. It's hard.

My work is ministry. My life is ministry. I have not been planning things, or writing sermons. And that's hard. So often I find my identity in what I do, and so often I forget to find it in who I am in Him. It's hard. I'm a little lost. I almost don't know what to do with myself. There have been many seasons in my life where i've felt I was drowning in stuff. This is not one of them. This is a season that's been very bare, and a little lonely. When ministry is all stripped away, I can feel kinda empty inside. And I don't like that. I need to remember in whom I find my identity...... And I need to get a lot of paper work done, which is not the part i'm missing or find identity in...

unwritten proverb

An independent spirit, tamed, is a blessing. An independent spirit, untamed, is demonstrative & destructive. Nothing good can come from it.

....a little easier said than done.

Isaiah 61

I'd had this thought, like that this year is meant to be a year of healing. At first I thought it was just for me.... (it's amazing the kind of stuff that freedom sessions will bring up.) But as I keep going, and listening, and hearing what other people are talking about.... I think that this is, like most things, a lot bigger than me. I also think that this wont be the only entry I make on the topic.

See vs 1 and 2

1 THE SPIRIT of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel of good tidings to the meek, the poor, and afflicted; He has sent me to bind up and heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the [physical and spiritual] captives and the opening of the prison and of the eyes to those who are bound

2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord [the year of His favor] and the day of vengeance of our God....

Todays focus: to firstly proclaim the year of His favor. This is the year we will see His favor poured out on His people. Secondly: to proclaim the day of His vengeance. This is the year that we will see the vengeance of God poured out on those who deserve vengeance.

I'm really excited about the redemptive nature that I know my Father has. As Is 61 goes on, it describes more about the way God's economy works. Beauty for ashes. Joy instead of mourning. Praise instead of heaviness. My God is into restoration. My God is into healing.

Todays homework (whether you do it or not... I'll get you later anyways) but read through Is 61. Ask God if there is a verse that applies to what He wants to do in your life. You be surprised at the healing He wants to bring, if we'd just let Him...

until next time...

136

It's 136 days till I get to go back to Fiji. I started a new journal today. One that I specifically bought for the trip, and the months leading up to it. It's taken me a while to get around to writing in it. Partially cause I think I've been dealing with a lots of my own stuff right now. Its hard to start new journeys while still sorting through the old ones- but I'm getting there.

I closed my eyes and pictured myself there. Sometimes I think it's the only thing that keeps me going in the day to day of ministry here. I've tried, desperately, to love my "here".. and I do... yet... still this longing.. but all that's ok. I get to now, live in the balance. I love 'this', and I'll love 'that'. And 'that' is in only 136 days.

I'm really excited about bringing people along on the journey. Every few days I get to talk to someone who is coming, or is thinking of coming along. I feel silly because each conversation I have gets me all giddy and smiley and stuff. I feel kind of silly, but then again... I don't care at all.

anything can bring me back there. A short video clip, a song, a picture, even a passing memory. I've been waiting a long time for this... over a year and a half to be exact. but soon... soon it will be time. and i look forward to it.