I just called my friend Pastor Salen in Fiji. I wanted to tell him that I got ordained. He nearly shouted in joy. It was so wonderful to hear his voice again. He was standing by the ocean, looking at Voro Voro where the team went swimming once. I wish I could see it in more than my minds eye. I miss it there. I miss Labasa. I got an email from him a few days ago. Things are going well there. Mangoes are in season. I'm jealous.
Then I read up on the Millars in Fiji and how they are doing.
I feel so... jealous. and so alone at the same time. I wish I was there. I wish I could go.
The grant did not go through. Again. But we are going to reapply. Either way, on May 24th, I am leaving for FIJI. I try to pretend like it's not happening so I can live happily in each day... but I long for it. I dont' know why. I can't explain it. I try to play like I dont care... but I wish this season would end so that season could start. There is so much paper work this side. So much stress. So much busy. I'm so done. and I'm so jealous.
