Jones Soda Spelling Snafu...( by dairn peters)

I thought this far too funny not to share...

Recently, they have been searching for the red elixor at corner stores and gas stations and haven't been able to procure any Fu-Fu Berry soda. I thought this strange, so during my trip to Surrey yesterday I decided to drop by a few places and surprise them with my innate ability to successfully forage for Fu-Fu.

At the Chevron gas station, kitty-corner to the Johnston Heights Evangelical Free Church on 152nd Street, I looked at the glass case in dismay, as their Jones Soda selection was somewhat pitiful. As I was leaving the store, the man behind the counter asked if he could help me. I told him I was looking for Fu-Fu Berry flavoured Jones Soda. He said that he would look into ordering it, and proceeded to write it down on a piece of paper. However, in his ethnicity (and me in mine, I might add), he wrote down, "Jones Soda - Fruit Berry." I kindly repeated the name, Fu-Fu Berry, and he kindly repeated, Fruit Berry, back to me.

Now, if I was thinking about ten steps ahead of the game (like a champion chess player or captain of the Enterprise, Jean Luc Picard, for example), I might not have made the mistake of trying to tell him the correct spelling... out loud... to his face.

"No, it's Fu-Fu Berry, that's f-u, f-u..." At this point, my mind just realized what I said to the poor man (f...u, f...u), and I actually reached for his little pencil he was writing with. He repeated, "fruit berry??" to me in his broken english. I replied, "umm, no. It's Fu-Fu... (by this time I'm feeling rather silly saying Fu-Fu) ... f-u... f-... ummm, never mind. Thanks anyways."

Makes you wonder if this is exactly the scenario those Jones Soda people were snickering about when they thought up the Fu-Fu Berry name....

Things that don't add up.

They have "support dry grad" fund raiser at the liquor store. Isn't that a little....ironic? It's like putting a "support our obese" campaign in the bakery, or a "help our homeless" in real estate office. So, you can't have what I'm here to buy, alas I'll not only support me in getting it but I'll support you in not. Somethings mon amie, don't add up.

amazingly simple home remedies

(taken from an email david sent me..)

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally:

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan

Grey Owl

History never looked better.

Bond, Jim Bond. (it's ok, we're friends)

It's about posting things that make you smile, right Leah?

it's like pulling teeth

That phrase used to hold some water, but now, they just gas you. I was on an interesting trip today. yesterday was valentines day. I was being "non dated". today, a whole new outlook on life. I got sedated. i woke up in another room, with a needle in my arm. you know when you're a kid and you go in the merry go round?? I felt the same way, but lying down. dizzy. I also left what little was in my stomach there, in a bowl I got the pleasure of hold bags of peas on my face all day. it brought new meaning to childish term so fondly known as "pee brain". also, i've been experiencing the joys of that which we lovingly call "T3's" I suppose I have been taught well.

and so, what now? one would ask. With four sources of wisdom gone forever, I need to do the only smart thing I know. I need to milk it for all it's worth. See you next week. I'm in recovery.

Roger that...

A recent favorite quote : "I'm not stalking you, I'm just keeping you company...."

I watch a movie last month. It was rated R for brief language, but I didn't hear them talk about tightie whities at all, the whole time. Speaking of brief, I'll make this short, because of it's nature....

I did some research. I have "the guys" email address and last name. I found a small, very small photo, about 2" by 2" and it doesn't even touch the concept of the word justice. now that info I could sell for more than 5 bucks....

over and out

Har har....groan...

So, I just got a phone call confirming the 60 lb of mustard I just ordered. And where can we drop it off? I love that you haven't hit puberty yet and the office you call from has other non puberty kids laughing in the back ground. Whatever happened to good ol' funny prank calls? Do you have jerry in a can?? ....yes sir, we do. "well then , you better let him out!!"
...well I think it was better than the mustard confirmation. Am I suppose to laugh now..?

I sink it's funny...

I don't know if I have raved about this one for a while.....raved is an interesting word....hold on a minute....back. here's a few definitions from dictionary.com Rave:

1.An extravagantly enthusiastic opinion or review

2.An all-night dance party, especially one where techno, house, or other electronically synthesized music is played.

3.(Chiefly British) A raucous party; a rave-up.

...interesting. I never thought of that. i mean the intense opinion and the all night dance party....same word...

anyways, i don't think I've raved about this for a while. the german coast guard commercial. It's epic.(you'll have to copy and paste the link)

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/commercials/German_Coast_Guard_2/

Jerry on the spot 1

In alot of ways, the book store is like a "smarter than you " store And that's why people are intimidated. Because to walk into a book store you have to admit that there is something that you don't know. And the worst part is, you don't even know where it is. You go into the bookstore and have to ask "where is this? where is that? Not only do I lack knowlege, I don't even know where to get it." So just to walk into a bookstore, you're admitting to the world, "I'm not too bright".

I love the word "beckons"

There's nothing in our "old lives" for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"

--Eugene Peterson

Brown Paper Bags

All things from the produce go in plastic bags. All except mushrooms. They go in paper bags. They grow in dark brown dirt just to go into brown paper bags to sit in the bottom drawer of the fridge. The only other thing that goes in brown paper bags is moonshine...and barf. Barf goes in brown paper bags. Sometimes, if you get a cookie from a cafe, they give it to you in a brown paper bag. But those bags usually have the cafe name on it, unless it's an underground...no... what do you call them....independent cafe, then it may be a plain bag, in which case you can be assured that that is some crap cookie in there, let me tell you.

Holy Cow

Do you know what this calls for Marianne?!? This calls for BANANA BREAD.
....and that calls for MILK. I think that everything calls for milk. Maybe except....(thinking pause)jello. Jello doesn't call for milk. But everything else calls for milk. I love milk. I love milk so much that if I wasn't a christian I would be a hindu so I could worship cows. That's how much I love milk.

dancing with myself

I'm not a big card game person. I enjoy the occasional game, and
consider myself to be able able to handle a game well enough. Of all
the games one could think of to play, I am having the utmost
difficulty with one. Don't laugh. This is not a laughing matter. I
suck at solitaire. I know, how could it be?? Is that not a game that
you play........ Yes, it's a game you play alone. But I loose
every time. Literally, I have not won yet. If you, my friend think you
can do better, I'll challenge you. Next time you see me, I gladly hand
you my ipod and you can see if you can beat the blasted thing. It must
be set on extreme difficulty. I can't win, I just can't.

72 - 43 = 29

Je pense que ne dorment pas pour hour de 72 est un ne bon pas idea. (that was an attempt at french) After 43 hours, the fight between my mind and the caffeine in jolt took ahold of my will power (and seemingly my ability to see) (all was blurry if I didn't focus) I went to bed at 0:43 hours. Insanity was hit after about 15 hours, on the first night, new years eve. (when i would normally be awake anyways)
I was told a number of times from a few people "Jen, I'm so glad that you don't drink" So am I my friend, so am I....

Day one of "back to reality": installing myself back into functioning society, I experienced some technical difficulties, or memory laps (or lasps, i don't remember what one)aka brain farts. where I had difficulty remembering events of the past few days. I was also unaware of what had happened on tv vs real life vs in my head. I found myself having to second and third guess information I thought I had, and where it truly originated from.

and so this moring a woke up at a healthy 9:30 like a 'normal' functioning member of society. either way, I came 29 hours from....(dun dun dun.......) true insanity.

72 and nothing.

Probably at something like 34 hours or something now. This perhaps may sound highly unusual, but I have nothing to say. No really funny stories, no obscure observations. I'm tired, but that's about it.

There are two things I love to do. Nothing,as I have previously stated, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, something. Like to accomplish something, be productive. It feels good. In the past 34 or so hours, I have accomplished nothing. Perhaps even less than that.

So I have this to report of my journey to insanity: nothing.

2 GB later

i didn't get the 30 GB iPod that I wanted for Christmas. did however get the 2GB which in reality, apart from the teen girl squad lackage, it does the same thing. (for 28 GB difference, I am suprizingly surprised.) I am, as you could say, a happy camper.

Now I can be antisocial anytime I want. I have even considered wearing the ear buds while not listening to music just to avoid being talked to. It's kind of like being alone in crowd of people.

I think that being alone stimulates creativity and imaginationary skills because no one is there to laugh at you or your really stupid (I mean creative) ideas.

That is however, a very nice little white elephant that you have sitting on your lap. I love it's sombrero, though I would suggest that it stops chewing on the mouse cord and that it would do something more productive, like read a book. There's a curious George picture book in that dresser over there. No, look higher.... Yup. on the top there. He'll like that one, especially the colorful balloons. Or maybe the yellow hat...

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown: This little green one looks like it needs a home.
Linus Van Pelt: I don't know. Remember what Lucy said? This doesn't seem to fit the modern spirit.
Charlie Brown: I don't care. We'll decorated and it'll be just right for our play. Besides, I think it needs me.

In this day and age where one may say "Gee, do they still make wooden chritams trees?" the kelly's have stuck hard to tradition and have refused to conform to the commercial synthetic christmas trees. You may as well eat turkey from a frikken box if that's what you're going to do. Four days before Christmas, my dad finally went out to get us a tree. "home depot is out of trees. Look up the number for something else" was the phone call I got. Rona was out too. Three or four stores later, he came home with a tree.

Now, the day before christmas eve, we get around to setting it up. I look in the garage to see it, my heart drops. Trees are meant to be big and bushy. Full of green and big. Did I mention big? This tree doesn't quite fit the "modern spirit" It's as tall as I am, and if I stretch my arms big, I can hug it all the way around.
Oh well, I suppose that I can decorate it and it'll be just right. Besides, I think it needs me.

...I never wanted to be a tree hugger. Specially a christmas tree hugger. oh well, merry christmas Charlie Brown.

roses are red

roses are red....


It is said that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. It is true, and I dare say that I would rather call a rose something other than "rose", so that the rose knew it was not "just another rose" but it was important to me, something of significance.

I wish, and this is far fetched....that I had a nick name for like everyone. one that actually stuck. That would be wicked. The names would have to be the ones that roll off the tongue. Not the forced ones that you need to think about, but the amazing ones that just plain work. The kind that others pick up on and outsiders question. So if I ever start to call you something other than your name, don't be concerned. it's just in attempt to fulfill my dream of a world by a different name.....

nothing

I am so glad it has snowed. Snow gives justification to do nothing. Have I ever told you how much I love nothing? I love it allot. Nothing is what you add to something that is great already and it makes it just as good. "this soup is great, what does it need?"

"nothing"

oh it's great.