habitual sin

Whether one defines it as sin or action taken because of the present circumstance, I have done it again. Wait--let me correct myself. I have done it again and again and again. Every time I'm at a store, I look for purses. I have even taken my free time and made specific trips just to look for a purse. (so I did once, but still--once is still one too many) wait-- twice. Oh man, thats like double sin....what has become of me?? Either way, the present circumstance of the nature in which I carry belongings is screaming to one horrible conclusion. That I must get a purse. Whats worse is that I want to get one that goes with my jacket. As in "looks good with". Without clash. Coordinating colors. eww...

In other news, I started a habit of drinking green tea. I like it now. I never thoght I would. It beats making my own coffee in the mornings though...

Exerpts from Exodus

So Moses is talking with the burning bush. God's talking about bringing the israelits to the wilderness for a little worship retreat. God even goes to the extent to say that the israelits will have favor in the eyes of the egyptians as they leave, and that when they leave, they won't be going empty handed. Good deal- then Moses pipes in. "Suppose the people won't believe me or listen..." I imagine God shaking His head. "what's in you hand?' ....I imagine a pause from our friend ..."a rod..." comes the timid reply. "That'll do." ...a sigh of relief comes on Moses's part. "Gee, now that I know that this rod will save my neck...Im so glad we cleared that up God.." No. I think Moses still didn't get it. God does go on to demonstrate His power which clams the fears of our friend. God ended up doing some crazy things with that rod, the climatic moment being the parting of the red sea.
Down to our level. There's things that God asks us to do. Small things, big things...whatever. We're all like..."ok God, good plan but 'suppose' (fill in excuse here)" and He asks "what's in you hand?" And we're like "not much, just this( fill in seemingly useless item here.) " " Good" comes the reply "One day we'll part the waters with it."

JAM

an email I wrote...
"So if I desired as to eat a sandwich, would there be sufficient supply? Or would I make the effort to bake bread, (350 F ) cut it with a knife on a white plastic cutting board as well as spread the peanut butter( hopfully it's the creamy kind, the other is too "nutty", of course...it is peaNUT butter after all...) and would I do all this only to find tartinade in the cupboard? not only that. First of all, it isn't even marmalade, they couldn't even give me that, but it's all the way at the back of the cupboard, near the tapioca mix and the icing sugar. I made the effort once to get the right stuff, but there was only an imposter...plus I had to reach back so far... It is rather out of the way.

Translation: Is there the jam at your place tomorrow night? I don't want to make a trip for nothing. I appoligize if I am so confusing..I am what I am.... "

identity crisis

I have hit, what I shall refer to from now on, as ROCK BOTTOM. I don't know what do do with myself. Who am I? what has become of the Jen I know?....I don't know. Today I...I can't even say.This is like an unforgivable sin. A wrong doing that has wronged me to the depth of who I am. Ok, I do it all at one time.*deep breath*... I went shopping for a purse. --akward silence..... hey, did you hear that pin drop? I could have sworn I heard a pin... no? But you havn't heard the half of it. I was saved from ultimate condemnation and shame because I didn't find one, but...instead of a purse I walked away with hiar accessories, necklaces and body spray. Is this not worse? Maybe not. The purse was intentional...like a pre-planned murder. The other stuff was "in the moment" and self defensive...(against sales that is). But in defence of my own pride, I was looking for more of a shoulder bag so to speak, then I was a purse. I found lots of purses, but I need just the right one. Unique but not tacky (at least not too tacky) small, but still useful. Classic, (so I don't need to go through this experience again anytime soon) yet modern enough that it dosn't look like it came from my grandmothers closet. I ask alot, but this whole ordeal is costing me alot, not in money necessarily, but if pride had points, all my brownies could be concidered eaten right about now. Since I'm here at rock bottom, could somebody pass me a lunchables....or a juice box? ....aww...I love you too Bret.