the set up

i shouldn't post this kind of stuff....

My life is CSI

I made this vlog a while back and forgot to post it. now i did. there.

Spring

fruition: this is the coming season. a season of fruit. I have faith for it.

fruition:
–noun
1. attainment of anything desired; realization; accomplishment: After years of hard work she finally brought her idea to full fruition.
2. enjoyment, as of something attained or realized.
3. state of bearing fruit.

a short story.

I started this story a long time ago, and was never satisfied with the ending. anyways. i think i hashed it out and got what i was going for.... so...

Once Upon a Time...

Even the sweetest song ever written or ever heard could not compare to the song that played over and over again in her heart. A simple tune that only the wind knew the words to and yet with every graceful step she took, the melody seemed to leak out. The glisten in her eye and the warmth of her smile told of her beauty. Words were never needed to know that this one was no ordinary girl. This one was particularity special and I believe He was especially fond of her.

Outdoors were a sanctuary of sorts for her. Ever changing and ever telling a new story with new growth and new sights. She found such joy in the simple things. She seemed to see Him there. In a flower or in a leaf, in a rainstorm or the thunder. Anything worthy of awe or wonder sent her heart leaping towards Him. She came closest to Him outside, where life, growing life, untainted by human hands gave a place for worship. No bells or whistles, just beauty in the things He made. These were the things she found joy in. It's where she found Him.

Warmth seemed to enter into her when she was there. A certain sense, or a knowing that He was near. Soon, she began to whisper to Him, in the beauty of His handiwork. Gently, she would tell of how she adored Him. How she adored the warmth she felt inside when there, in her untainted sanctuary. Slowly, her whisper grew to a soft voice, which grew to something slightly stronger until one day, she found herself laughing with Him in the garden.

"I'll never leave you, you know." He spoke tenderly in her ear. She didn't respond. She just sat there wide eyed, lost in His gaze. Her heart so full of love, she couldn't find the words. He felt the need to repeat Himself. "Never. I will never leave you" Still she sat there in silence. His strong hand made its ways to her shoulder. "I will never leave you." She nodded and smiled sweetly, not thinking much of the sincerity in his voice.

Spring would change to summer, and summers greens turned to autumns auburns and yellows. She loved all the colors. It was her first time experiencing fall. But then something strange happened. The leaves began to fall and as they did she felt it in her heart. It hurt. Like something inside her was falling to the ground as well. All the green faded from it. Only autumn were colors left now. All the life of spring and summers lush greens was gone.

She still felt Him there. His embrace was full of warmth. Their walks were what made her day seem worth living. He was all she had. Yet the cold weather seemed to bring a chill to her bones, and slowly, a numbness to her heart. His embrace became less warm, and His voice that used to dance around her seemed carried off by the wind.

Still she would go there. She'd gaze at the barren trees and think about the life that used to hang from it's branches. Softly she would whisper under her breath, "where is all the life? how come it's so empty here?" and her heart would sink a little lower in her chest. She wandered almost aimlessly around the garden. "Why is it so empty here?" she questioned again. She reached up and gabbed a branch from a tree. It was brittle and hard. She broke it in two leaving it on the ground. Her whisper grew a little louder as she questioned once more. " Why is it so empty here!?" Angrily she kicked a pile of leaves that sat near by. Tears began to well in her eyes. She looked up as if to yell at the wind. "Where did You go??"

Silence followed her question as the tears freely flowed, and the sobbing seemed to come naturally. She sat there, in a pile of leaves, dreading the cold, and dreading the emptiness she felt there. She wanted it back. She wanted the warmth. She wanted the laughter. She wanted the embrace, yet this vast emptiness in her consumed her as if there was no way out. As if tomorrow would never come, and today would be winter forever.

She could feel the hurt like anger in her throat, as if a fist was stuck there. The wind began to pick up, pushing hard against her tired cold body. Slowly she rose to her feet. Defeated once again, she began her journey home. As she walked, the wind seemed to circle around her, and as it did, she was reminded of the kind words He once had spoken to her. "Never. I will never leave you." She shook her head, knowing it was just her imagination. "Never", came the thought again. She brushed it off again, but the thought came back over and over in her head. "Never, never, never."

The cold wind grew warmer and seemed to kiss her face. Through blurred vision, something caught her eye. A welcomed ray of light shone through the naked trees, casting light on the gardens floor. Her heart leapt. She saw there, in the grass, a single small white flower with a yellow brushed center.

Kneeling beside it, she softly ran her fingers over it's precious pedals. "I told you I would never leave you." The gentle voice brought with it a warmth that slowly filled her desolate heart. She opened her mouth to try to speak, yet felt hushed by the presence of Him who was with her. Inside, her emotions raged with questions of the abandonment, yet the peace that came with Him overwhelmed her.

Before she even uttered a word, He began to speak to these deep secrets of her heart. "I was here all along." He ushered her to walk with Him. They began to stroll in the garden. Plucking a fresh green leaf off a tree, He placed it in her hand. She clenched her fingers around it. "I thought all the leaves here were dead" As they continued walking, she began to notice more and more green life around her. Yet the question nagged. Where had He been?

Knowing her thoughts, He spoke gently to her tender heart. "I was here all along. You have been looking for me in the open. You have been looking at what is seen. I was here. I was deep inside preparing the trees to grow new leaves again. Readying the grass to become green once more and teaching the birds the new song of spring. I never left you, just like I promised."

"But I never felt you, where were you?" He smile an assuring smile and gently placed His strong hand on her chest. "I have been deep inside, working away at your heart. I have been preparing you to bear new fruit in this next season. I have been making you ready for spring, and have been protecting you from the harsh conditions of winter. I didn't leave. No, I have been closer in this season than any other. I know winter is hard, but it always comes before spring. Trial proceeds advancement. Pruning proceeds growth."

Understanding swept over her, and after a moment, the joyous feeling she had felt so many times slowly returned- yet this time it felt different, as if a deeper part of her heart was being touched. Tears ran gently down her face, but not tears of sorrow, these were tears of joy.

random thoughts about Christian book stores...

the christian bookstore frustrates me. it smells and feels like ....uptight. like religion. it looks like white doilies should be under everything. it has such an uncomfortable "perfection" feel.

I go in not knowing what i want. maybe that's my problem. maybe i need to know. i seem to get overwhelmed with all the books i haven't, but wish that i had read. can there really be that much to say that ppl write all these books? i dunno. oh and pet peeve. christian books with a big pic of the author on the front. for real? not a big fan.

anyways....

heart vs head

Im not exactly sure what happened, but somewhere between when I was young, and now - my Dad changed.

I'm going through a bunch of stuff right now. God's teaching me, and stripping me- and though it's good, it's not necessarily the greatest time. We are transitioning from head to heart. I think that i think too much. I've got alot of stuff going on in my head. Details, logistics, constraint. All the Father is asking for is for heart. I see this modeled clearly in my dad. He's got no need for head. and I say that not in a demeaning way. He runs no ministry, speaks no lectures, directs no groups. He has no followers, no flock to feed. It's just him. Well, him and Jesus. And he's all heart.

His mornings start bible reading. It has for a few years now. From time to time, God would being to give him words. So he'd write it down, always with the response "this is so cool" knowing he could never write something like that. English was not his strong point in school, by any means. Writing did not come naturally to my dad. Yet time and time again, as he met faithfully with the Father, words continue to pour from the throne room on to the pages before him. Now pages are filled daily.

As I lead my life, I run around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Often times, I run into him (usually while im trying to get something done), and often those times the Lord is working on him and he's got some sort of word that he wants to tell me about. I'm busy, you know. (too much head) . But when I take the time to sit and listen, out pours this honestly like you have never heard. Often times, these writing relate to me or one of my brothers in our childhood days. Often they're about his family life growing up, or some other memory of times gone past. And when he speaks, I learn. Not about the lessons he has is his words, though they are good. No, I learn about heart, cause my dad is all heart. Often times our chats are cut short as I see the lump in his throat and his attempt to hold back tears. So moved by the memories and the lessons the Lord is teaching him. He's not a prophet, but I have much to learn from him. So genuine. So much heart.

me and the duke

vlog episode 1

Autumns Hesitation

Fall came the other day. I knew it was here because the air was chilled and the rain poured down as I drove to work. Fall is such a gloomy time. It’s not really something that we ask for. Its more like something that we just find ourselves in, you know? It lends itself to responsibility and schedules; as apposed to summers’ care free long days, late nights spent strolling the pier, watching movies with friends, or conversing about life and ministry and anything that lands in-between. Fall is the essence of real life. We work because we need money. We need money because we need to live and have some sort of social life. We do ministry… I’d like to say that we do ministry because we love it, but sometimes I wonder if we don’t find some sense of belonging there. Like what we are doing with our lives actually counts for something, and me helping out or leading somehow makes me part of a bigger, majestic sized masterpiece. I’d love to be part of something majestic. Actually, I just like to be a part- of anything really.

Tomorrow

Tell me. when did we stop believing in people? When did circumstances, attitudes, events, behaviors, when did these thing cause me to give up hope? when did we stop believing in people? When did I start letting the present outweigh the sense of destiny in my spirit? That urgency that says tomorrow is coming, and it bring good things. "Keep doing what's right, My justice is on it's way, and My salvation is about to come" (see Is 56) The outsiders come into the House. The ones who thought they would never fit, they get to come in. I love that promise. The outsiders coming into the family. They become a part. That's the end of the story. Don't you love knowing the end? Cause sometimes the plot line along the way turns and confuses me. Sometimes circumstances, attitudes, events, behaviors... sometimes those things make me wanna stop believing. Sometimes the battle seems lost, and I don't want to fight at all. But I believe in people. And I believe in tomorrow. So i'll keep on believing.

words

there are somethings that can't be put into words. somethings that perhaps shouldn't be. there are people who speak who could push until a thousand words come out and still mean nothing. they are the kinda people who talk with their brain. That person who says much and his words become common, and common is worth very little.

then there are the kind of people who can say very little, and say it very simply and with that, they capture everything needed at that moment. those are the kinda people i love. they are the ones that talk with their heart. the wise man who will hold his tongue, and at the right moment, fire with such precision, that all who hear will admire and revere. His words are valued and desired. this is the man i love.

morning light

The sky looks beautiful this morning. So beautiful I couldn't leave this moment with out mention. The early sun is like brilliant amber, and it brushes the clouds with hard strong light. A kaleidoscope of birds flew over head, and i'm ever left in wonder of how they do it. time passed and the orange tones of morning turn to white shades of blue, and day went on... morning light

left without balance

i think im gonna try n start something new, not sure how long it will last, but it's a search for music. I can't find music. Not the kind i want anyways. but i think my criteria is a little...well..
here:
christian but not "la la"
good "victorious" lyrics, but not cheesy
more on the side of rock... heavy
but even now as i get into describing genre i loose interest. i just think that there must be music that i love, and i don't know it yet. Music always seems to be left without balance. When we get to heavy, we sound angry, and im not angry. but if we are not heavy, the music seems lame, and often, lyrics to fit the same category. anyways this week is being sponsored my: pillar & blindside, each leaving much to be desired.

THRILL OF YOUR LIFE

Perhaps there are things that should not transcend cultures....

Un themed love

Perhaps Christmas just isn't for people like me. I mean, I enjoy ...the finer things in life. I enjoy...well let's get straight to the point. I enjoy when things are decorated nicely. Coordinating colors, themes. You know, nice stuff. Yet Christmas comes and there this barrage of colors that are all so loud, it's like they're yelling at me. None of them get along, and, if you live in my house, none of them are from the same decade. Ornaments from years past seem to make it to our tree each year, and each year I contemplate breaking them by "accident" so we can get new ones. I've been putting up nicknacks on our windowsills and mantels. My mom calls them decorations. Again, it feels like a collage of stuff gathered from all ends of the earth. Different things I made in grade school are on the hearth hanging out with any random Christmas oriented gifts we've collected in years past. I suppose it's something about sentimental value. I'm putting up these decorations, few of which i like and something starts to happen as I look around, and it looks different than before. Tackier, yes, but more than that. It feels kinda warm. Like love had spilled over into those crafts, and thought had spilled over into those gifts. I try to shake the sentimental moment-- But it stayed. I kind still feel it now, as I look around at mismatched care and un-themed love. It feels kinda like warm, and kinda like home. Maybe, just maybe Christmas is for people like me after all.

to sir, without love

I hate time. I hate worshiping the clock, looking for it's approval, bowing down like some sort of idiot, unable to fend for myself. Unable to make my own decisions. I hate the feeling of rushed. I hate the feeling of timed. I hate time. I hate thinking about how long im taking, how much time i have left. I hate thinking about the next thing to do while still in the middle of this..... the sun rose this morning (after I did mind you) (the clock said it was time to get up) and it went down today too, just like i'll go to sleep. But i wish I could go to sleep now. but i have stuff to do. it's not time yet.

exerpts from donald miller

When you are a speaker and a writer, you aren't supposed to watch television. It's shallow. I felt guilty because for a long time i didn't allow myself a television, and I used to drop that fact in conversation to impress people. I thought it made me sound dignified. I couple of years ago however, I visited a church in the suberbs, and there was the blowhard precher talking about how watching television rots you brain. He said that when we are watching television, we our minds are working no harder than when we are sleeping. I thought that sounded heavenly. I bought one that afternoon.

--donald miller, blue like jazz

sauna

there are many reasons I love my heritage. One of those reasons is the sauna. 'cause there is nothing like sweating my own sweat and knowing that i did absolutely nothing to get it there.

canvas

ok, so it's been months since ive been here. so what. i guess i had nothing worth telling, a joke is only funny once....or at least it should only be funny once.

Acctually, i've been thinking about art recently. How an artists mind works, seemingly so complex, so beautiful. I wish i was more artsy. i have always wished that. i think i would be if i took the time to show it. I think the only thing I wanted to say here, but can''t find a creative way to say it is that we express things in art that we feel but would never dare admit in real life. It's as if a canvas of any medium becomes a reality to which we can speak freely knowing the deaf ears that hear our complaints.

like a sale at the brick

Miss ..ter

Working at CK, you meet a lot of people. Most are kind older English gentlemen who call you dear, or sweetie. This past week I had a slightly less honest experience. Two ladies sat down and I went to greet them and I complimented one on their bracelets. Bangals , like from india. I like that sort of thing. The thank you to my compliment rang clear in my ears. A deep hearty thank you. It sent shivers down my spine.

The ladies were homely looking. Awkward almost. I would have set them in the catagory of "the awkward people of the world" (perhaps another blog for another time) yet that 'thank you'... Alright, they were more than homely. They were ugly. Down-right-not-pretty-people. Perhaps they were...no, never mind.

I began to judge myself for making such a judgment call. To question someones gender is perhaps the lowest blow to take on someones looks. Yet the "thank you" ...the homeliness...

If they really were that ugly, to spend their time with each other would be the smartest thing to do. I'm sure they would never marry..because ...well...ok, maybe if they met a blind guy. So to spend an evening together out for dinner...

I spent a better part of their stay wondering and finally, after observing their painted toe nails and lovely anklets, I asked the manager, and sure enough, they had been their before, and they were as I thought. Mr & Mr. sick.

Steele the best (by JAK)

film making. it's what I love, it's what, when I get a chance, I do. This "interest" of mine has left me as what I would call a critic. Therefore this review has been written by Jak.

Seraphim Falls. Liam Neeson, Peirce Brosnan, Destination Films 2006. I have to admit, I only wanted to watch this film for one reason. I enjoyed Remington Steele...alright-- i indulged in it. So a new film with Peirce in it caught my attention. Though he's not the dashing young chap he was, I wanted to see what my 1980's hero was up to on the small screen. (as far as I know, it never made it to the "big screen" thank goodness) Unaware of any sort of plot line any sort if idea what this Seraphim fall held in store, I purposed to see it. I sat down today and wasted a good couple hours of my life. The movie starts out with liam chasing peirce through the wilderness. I figure, interesting opening, not telling us why, but letting us see the chase. A few minutes go by. Still very little action, very little reason. Those minutes turn into 1 hour and 20 minutes of chase before we find out why. that's over 2/3rds of the film. Now aleast for the rest of the chase we know what it's about. And he continues chasing him. that's it. That is the movie. It was boring , it was long. It was aweful, to say the least.

I always said I didn't like Peirce, I only like Remington. Now, I know why. He was the best. I suppose they just don't make peirce...I mean movies like they used to.

you know you're in whtiehorse for a while when...

your van is indefinatley in the shop.... there's no place like home.... there's no place like home.... there's no place like home....

You know youre in the yukon when...

there are no sinlge misquitos here in white horse. they are all married and have big families.

You know you live in BC when....

you know that the only thing past Hope is Hell's gate.
(and williams lake....)
(and I suppose I should mention north country and the Yukon where I am going in 2 sleeps.)
(ok it was just geographical humor....)

THANK YOU

this is a special thank you for all my fans who thew a surprise b-day party for me on my 2 weeks before I turn 19 day. You guys rock. Grey owl all the way. Oh hey, know what I never thought of..Robin Crusoe. (or however you say that)

later

you order a pizza?

I've been told that I should not go "looking for boys" I've been told I should just wait. "You never know, perhaps one day God will drop on on your doorstep"....but...you know... I don't think I want to marry the postman, or the pizza guy for that matter.

Santa Baby

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong
sermon on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad."

Jones Soda Spelling Snafu...( by dairn peters)

I thought this far too funny not to share...

Recently, they have been searching for the red elixor at corner stores and gas stations and haven't been able to procure any Fu-Fu Berry soda. I thought this strange, so during my trip to Surrey yesterday I decided to drop by a few places and surprise them with my innate ability to successfully forage for Fu-Fu.

At the Chevron gas station, kitty-corner to the Johnston Heights Evangelical Free Church on 152nd Street, I looked at the glass case in dismay, as their Jones Soda selection was somewhat pitiful. As I was leaving the store, the man behind the counter asked if he could help me. I told him I was looking for Fu-Fu Berry flavoured Jones Soda. He said that he would look into ordering it, and proceeded to write it down on a piece of paper. However, in his ethnicity (and me in mine, I might add), he wrote down, "Jones Soda - Fruit Berry." I kindly repeated the name, Fu-Fu Berry, and he kindly repeated, Fruit Berry, back to me.

Now, if I was thinking about ten steps ahead of the game (like a champion chess player or captain of the Enterprise, Jean Luc Picard, for example), I might not have made the mistake of trying to tell him the correct spelling... out loud... to his face.

"No, it's Fu-Fu Berry, that's f-u, f-u..." At this point, my mind just realized what I said to the poor man (f...u, f...u), and I actually reached for his little pencil he was writing with. He repeated, "fruit berry??" to me in his broken english. I replied, "umm, no. It's Fu-Fu... (by this time I'm feeling rather silly saying Fu-Fu) ... f-u... f-... ummm, never mind. Thanks anyways."

Makes you wonder if this is exactly the scenario those Jones Soda people were snickering about when they thought up the Fu-Fu Berry name....

Things that don't add up.

They have "support dry grad" fund raiser at the liquor store. Isn't that a little....ironic? It's like putting a "support our obese" campaign in the bakery, or a "help our homeless" in real estate office. So, you can't have what I'm here to buy, alas I'll not only support me in getting it but I'll support you in not. Somethings mon amie, don't add up.

amazingly simple home remedies

(taken from an email david sent me..)

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally:

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan

Grey Owl

History never looked better.

Bond, Jim Bond. (it's ok, we're friends)

It's about posting things that make you smile, right Leah?

it's like pulling teeth

That phrase used to hold some water, but now, they just gas you. I was on an interesting trip today. yesterday was valentines day. I was being "non dated". today, a whole new outlook on life. I got sedated. i woke up in another room, with a needle in my arm. you know when you're a kid and you go in the merry go round?? I felt the same way, but lying down. dizzy. I also left what little was in my stomach there, in a bowl I got the pleasure of hold bags of peas on my face all day. it brought new meaning to childish term so fondly known as "pee brain". also, i've been experiencing the joys of that which we lovingly call "T3's" I suppose I have been taught well.

and so, what now? one would ask. With four sources of wisdom gone forever, I need to do the only smart thing I know. I need to milk it for all it's worth. See you next week. I'm in recovery.

Roger that...

A recent favorite quote : "I'm not stalking you, I'm just keeping you company...."

I watch a movie last month. It was rated R for brief language, but I didn't hear them talk about tightie whities at all, the whole time. Speaking of brief, I'll make this short, because of it's nature....

I did some research. I have "the guys" email address and last name. I found a small, very small photo, about 2" by 2" and it doesn't even touch the concept of the word justice. now that info I could sell for more than 5 bucks....

over and out

Har har....groan...

So, I just got a phone call confirming the 60 lb of mustard I just ordered. And where can we drop it off? I love that you haven't hit puberty yet and the office you call from has other non puberty kids laughing in the back ground. Whatever happened to good ol' funny prank calls? Do you have jerry in a can?? ....yes sir, we do. "well then , you better let him out!!"
...well I think it was better than the mustard confirmation. Am I suppose to laugh now..?

I sink it's funny...

I don't know if I have raved about this one for a while.....raved is an interesting word....hold on a minute....back. here's a few definitions from dictionary.com Rave:

1.An extravagantly enthusiastic opinion or review

2.An all-night dance party, especially one where techno, house, or other electronically synthesized music is played.

3.(Chiefly British) A raucous party; a rave-up.

...interesting. I never thought of that. i mean the intense opinion and the all night dance party....same word...

anyways, i don't think I've raved about this for a while. the german coast guard commercial. It's epic.(you'll have to copy and paste the link)

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/commercials/German_Coast_Guard_2/

Jerry on the spot 1

In alot of ways, the book store is like a "smarter than you " store And that's why people are intimidated. Because to walk into a book store you have to admit that there is something that you don't know. And the worst part is, you don't even know where it is. You go into the bookstore and have to ask "where is this? where is that? Not only do I lack knowlege, I don't even know where to get it." So just to walk into a bookstore, you're admitting to the world, "I'm not too bright".

I love the word "beckons"

There's nothing in our "old lives" for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"

--Eugene Peterson

Brown Paper Bags

All things from the produce go in plastic bags. All except mushrooms. They go in paper bags. They grow in dark brown dirt just to go into brown paper bags to sit in the bottom drawer of the fridge. The only other thing that goes in brown paper bags is moonshine...and barf. Barf goes in brown paper bags. Sometimes, if you get a cookie from a cafe, they give it to you in a brown paper bag. But those bags usually have the cafe name on it, unless it's an underground...no... what do you call them....independent cafe, then it may be a plain bag, in which case you can be assured that that is some crap cookie in there, let me tell you.

Holy Cow

Do you know what this calls for Marianne?!? This calls for BANANA BREAD.
....and that calls for MILK. I think that everything calls for milk. Maybe except....(thinking pause)jello. Jello doesn't call for milk. But everything else calls for milk. I love milk. I love milk so much that if I wasn't a christian I would be a hindu so I could worship cows. That's how much I love milk.

dancing with myself

I'm not a big card game person. I enjoy the occasional game, and
consider myself to be able able to handle a game well enough. Of all
the games one could think of to play, I am having the utmost
difficulty with one. Don't laugh. This is not a laughing matter. I
suck at solitaire. I know, how could it be?? Is that not a game that
you play........ Yes, it's a game you play alone. But I loose
every time. Literally, I have not won yet. If you, my friend think you
can do better, I'll challenge you. Next time you see me, I gladly hand
you my ipod and you can see if you can beat the blasted thing. It must
be set on extreme difficulty. I can't win, I just can't.

72 - 43 = 29

Je pense que ne dorment pas pour hour de 72 est un ne bon pas idea. (that was an attempt at french) After 43 hours, the fight between my mind and the caffeine in jolt took ahold of my will power (and seemingly my ability to see) (all was blurry if I didn't focus) I went to bed at 0:43 hours. Insanity was hit after about 15 hours, on the first night, new years eve. (when i would normally be awake anyways)
I was told a number of times from a few people "Jen, I'm so glad that you don't drink" So am I my friend, so am I....

Day one of "back to reality": installing myself back into functioning society, I experienced some technical difficulties, or memory laps (or lasps, i don't remember what one)aka brain farts. where I had difficulty remembering events of the past few days. I was also unaware of what had happened on tv vs real life vs in my head. I found myself having to second and third guess information I thought I had, and where it truly originated from.

and so this moring a woke up at a healthy 9:30 like a 'normal' functioning member of society. either way, I came 29 hours from....(dun dun dun.......) true insanity.

72 and nothing.

Probably at something like 34 hours or something now. This perhaps may sound highly unusual, but I have nothing to say. No really funny stories, no obscure observations. I'm tired, but that's about it.

There are two things I love to do. Nothing,as I have previously stated, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, something. Like to accomplish something, be productive. It feels good. In the past 34 or so hours, I have accomplished nothing. Perhaps even less than that.

So I have this to report of my journey to insanity: nothing.

2 GB later

i didn't get the 30 GB iPod that I wanted for Christmas. did however get the 2GB which in reality, apart from the teen girl squad lackage, it does the same thing. (for 28 GB difference, I am suprizingly surprised.) I am, as you could say, a happy camper.

Now I can be antisocial anytime I want. I have even considered wearing the ear buds while not listening to music just to avoid being talked to. It's kind of like being alone in crowd of people.

I think that being alone stimulates creativity and imaginationary skills because no one is there to laugh at you or your really stupid (I mean creative) ideas.

That is however, a very nice little white elephant that you have sitting on your lap. I love it's sombrero, though I would suggest that it stops chewing on the mouse cord and that it would do something more productive, like read a book. There's a curious George picture book in that dresser over there. No, look higher.... Yup. on the top there. He'll like that one, especially the colorful balloons. Or maybe the yellow hat...

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown: This little green one looks like it needs a home.
Linus Van Pelt: I don't know. Remember what Lucy said? This doesn't seem to fit the modern spirit.
Charlie Brown: I don't care. We'll decorated and it'll be just right for our play. Besides, I think it needs me.

In this day and age where one may say "Gee, do they still make wooden chritams trees?" the kelly's have stuck hard to tradition and have refused to conform to the commercial synthetic christmas trees. You may as well eat turkey from a frikken box if that's what you're going to do. Four days before Christmas, my dad finally went out to get us a tree. "home depot is out of trees. Look up the number for something else" was the phone call I got. Rona was out too. Three or four stores later, he came home with a tree.

Now, the day before christmas eve, we get around to setting it up. I look in the garage to see it, my heart drops. Trees are meant to be big and bushy. Full of green and big. Did I mention big? This tree doesn't quite fit the "modern spirit" It's as tall as I am, and if I stretch my arms big, I can hug it all the way around.
Oh well, I suppose that I can decorate it and it'll be just right. Besides, I think it needs me.

...I never wanted to be a tree hugger. Specially a christmas tree hugger. oh well, merry christmas Charlie Brown.

roses are red

roses are red....


It is said that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. It is true, and I dare say that I would rather call a rose something other than "rose", so that the rose knew it was not "just another rose" but it was important to me, something of significance.

I wish, and this is far fetched....that I had a nick name for like everyone. one that actually stuck. That would be wicked. The names would have to be the ones that roll off the tongue. Not the forced ones that you need to think about, but the amazing ones that just plain work. The kind that others pick up on and outsiders question. So if I ever start to call you something other than your name, don't be concerned. it's just in attempt to fulfill my dream of a world by a different name.....

nothing

I am so glad it has snowed. Snow gives justification to do nothing. Have I ever told you how much I love nothing? I love it allot. Nothing is what you add to something that is great already and it makes it just as good. "this soup is great, what does it need?"

"nothing"

oh it's great.

Suicidal Fish

What have I done to provoke this? I have treated him so badly? This morning, I looked over at one of the bowls on the bathroom counter. Flashes or red spun around inside. I look away for only a second and when I looked back--emptiness. One of the fish jumped! While I was in there! I quickly came to the rescue and put it back in the bowl. But what did I do to it to make it a suicidal fish? I really don't know. I didn't even know they could jump.

The King and I

I got a couple of crowns from burger King and Jansen and I wore them for medieval feast. (this is not Jansen)(or me, obviously).

Hey Stranger pt 2

"I love to reminisce with people I just met. It takes a substantially longer time mind you..."

I read that quote on some newsletter I picked up from burger king today.( i'm gonna rock the crown tomorrow night) It made me laugh. But, hey. Have I ever told you that I'm shy? I mean, I don't really like meeting new people. and come to think about it, I don't like new people meeting me. I find it's to easy to get people wrong. I mean, when I met you for the first time, I never thought I'd like you this much. (that's for whoever reading this that needs and ego boost) I mean, when people meet people, the first impression never does them justice. They don't understand where they are coming from. why they are the way they are. I guess that's life. Like, to quote myself "but....then again, you and I were strangers once too....and really, you even check my blog now...."

The Simple Life

Speaking of such things as the simple life, a life less complicated, I was reminded of a story, a myth it almost seems in my head, cause I can't see it, it doesn't ring true, but apparently, when my parents got married, everyone thought they were crazy, but they both quit their jobs and they were going to "live off the land". now that's kickin it in the simple, less complicated life. It's just so hard for me to grasp cause I never knew my parents back then, I wasn't born yet. But the same that now will buy processed cheese once desired to live off the land. How much we change....

To be or not to be?

The drops poured down from the grey clouds for one of the first times this season. Driving in the rain I felt a certain sence of melancholy. Not a depressed state, but a thoughtful one. Sobering almost. I was thinking on people, relationships in general and as we drove, a line from shakespear ran through my mind...

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances..."

I felt, at that moment, unusually poetic, and so, as we would assume I "what the heck" ed, told the people around me what was going through my head, and we all laughed at my expense, an expense well spent. It was however a really wierd moment, so I thought I'd share it, for as you read this, truly you observe me on the stage, and now my exit comes. Adiue.

The Way I See It....

Life is too complicated. I mean, think about it. The other day I got a tall, sugar-free, hazelnut soy steamed milk. Or at a restaurant. "I'll have the steak burger" "is that a western, or a bbq?" "bbq" "would you like that blue, blue rare, medium rare, rare, medium well or well done" "in between a rare and a medium rare" "and is that with fries, curly fries, onion rings, soup or salad?" "uh, I better have that salad" "tossed, green, ceasar or vegetarian?"(ok I added vegetarian) "whats the difference between the tossed and the green?" "The green has more cucumber" "I'll have the tossed" "Is that with Mediterranean, thousand island, ranch, cool ranch , low fat ranch or herb?" "do you have a low fat cool ranch?" "Yes we do. Is that all or can I get you something else?" ".........thats all, thanks" "can I refill you water while Im here?" "Please"

What was the simple life? I dare say I never lived there. Yet here, in my world of choices, I find myself so often amused my the things I can choose from that I rarely have time to try any of them. Is this a bad thing? I think not, it simply ("simply") means that life, though complicated, will never be boring.

30GB of sanity

Encouraging introverts? Producing anti-social? What is the ipod generation? Here's what I'm thinking about. I turn on an ipod and dance around. I sing out loud. It doesn't' make any sense to anyone else, but cause they see the ipod, it's alright. Perhaps not completely socially acceptable, but at least we can smile and nod. The ipod-ee says "If only you could see hear what's in my head, you'd understand!"

I think I have the ipod way of life with out the little white box. I mean, though I have no ipod, I feel as though I constantly am saying "if only you could see inside my head, if only you could hear! Then, oh then you would understand." The ipod generation is off in their own world. Perhaps I've found that other world rather entertaining also.

Needless to say, new on JAKs Christmas list is a 30GB ipod. Now they are capable of carrying full length features, as well as pod casts and strong bad emails and teen girl squad episodes and all such good things. amazing.

Bikes, OJ and Oprah

Sometimes humans combine things that really make me question our..oh I dunno...sanity perhaps? Perhaps this is normal to you. Maybe you are not as wierded out as me. Stereo types make me laugh. They are so funny. It's like taking the good things in life and becoming an extremist of sorts. Here are two types of people who I never thought would work together. Let me introduce you to Mike. Mike is a fun loving guy who sees the benefit of keeping in top physical condition. He runs 3k each morning before he eats a bowl of those little circles we all love. Sing it with me now.."o-o-o-o cheerios" After that he'll head for his fitness room to ride the bike for a while. Mike, and his bike, love fitness. Joe in the other hand is a couch potato. Exercise is walking to the tv to change the channel when the battery is dead. To the fridge for another cold one. OJ that is. To the bathroom for, well, you know. Joe is a tv junkie.

Now let's try something, shall we? Let's take tvs, and put them on treadmill, on elliptical and on bikes. Is this only ironic to me? Is no one else laughing? Joe and Mike will never be friends. They're to stubbornly living the stereo type. Treadmill and TV's don't mix. They not only serve different purposes, they are arch enemies in their purposes. Treadmill are for running, being active. TV are for nothing, being lazy. sitting. comfort. relaxing. They don't mix, it's like putting a bed in the super market so you can sleep while you shop. You just don't. I saw this combo today and was confused. Now, If you'll excuse me, I have a runnig date with Oprah. Thanks.

tomato tomoto

Knowlege is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing that it doesn't go in a fruit salad.

observing the wrong things

There's that song we sang as kids..."one of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things just isn't the same..." Remember? This concept is used in the recent trident SPLASH gum commercials. With country music playing, line dancers at a saloon type pub are kindly joined on the dance floor by a guy in a neon green speedo. Every time I see it, I think of the song. The speedo is green to match the apple raspberry gum.

Having seen the commercial many a time, (even more after the Williams "lake too much tv" incidents....) I knew that it was green, for sure. No questions asked. Then, In Save On foods in williams lake, The giant cut out of this guy was in a red one ( a speedo that is. It was a good shade red for the commercial, but I was confused of why they switch, so I piped out, "hey, that should be a green speeedo" as a worker was passing buy. I didn't see his face, but I have come to the conclusion that that was the funniest thing that happened to him at work, and he went home to his family and discussed the comment over dinner. Then later, so perplexed at why I practically yelled out about a speedo, he looked up the web site to see the commercial. Thinking it was so funny, he went to his own blog and wrote about it, directing his friend to the site, and directing his best regards to, and I quote, "the girl at save on who weirded him out at first, but in a round-about way, showed me the path to this amazing commercial." Here's to splash gum, making williams lake exciting, one speedo at a time.

Long Awaited Arrivals

Months back I did a survey about what people thought of the polar bear on top of some hottub store in langley and if it increased business or not. Here's what a few people had to say: (it's a little long, but this is by request so..."bear" with me....(groan)

"some kids might want to climb up on the roof to play with the giant bear" -mel

"that idea is just as obsered as say,
"pinnapples?". Let's take the Coke Bear, because he
has been developed far better...
>>>It creates a picture for people to associate with
the product.<<<" -mark

"the polar bear is very important to the hot tub culture. It was hailed as a god to an icelandic tribe who invented the hot tub. Back then they built them out of stone and heated them with molten lava. The story goes that the cheif Unca uu lucnoi was adopted buy the polar bear cumunity when his family and tribe were killed off in a great war known as the war of the OIeau'ntain lands. The polar bear was hailed as god. This is very important to the ansetors of Unca uu lucnoi. Which are actually now a secrete society that control most of the hot tub and inground pool industry to this day." -dave

"The fact that you are talking about the polar bear, is proof that atleast
the marketing element of the bear is completely working" -joel

"the polar bear would increase the sales of the hot tubs becaues if a hot tub is good enough to keep a polar bear warm then it must be sufficient enough to keep us warm. " sarah

"did you ever relise that there was a hot tub selling place there before? well if you answer 'no' than the polar bear did it's job." --alicia

"this is the reason...and this case is a perfect example of marketing in action.
See, if you would have said "Yesterday I drove by Maximum Hot Tub and saw something cool", I would have had no idea what you were talking about. BUT, when you mentioned the giant out of place polar bear, I immediately knew the exact location you were talking about. Here is an example converstion to illustrate my point:
"Hey Jimmy-boy, have you seen that new patio set in front of Remmington's Discount Furniture?"
"Ummm....no, what's Remmington's?"
"You know, that store with the giant blow up three legged dog beside the road"
"AHHHH, yes...and I had noticed that patio set. In fact, I'll go buy it now"
--jon

"I think that if we see something that is supposed to be cold enjoying something that is supposed to be hot, then we will come to the conclusion, that everyone will enjoy a hot tub, if a polar bear enjoys a hot tub. "-jess

"I must say that the inflatable creatures (and objects) would not attract me to enter a particular building, and if the creature is hideous enough it may even deter me from entering. The only reason I beleive that these stores have these inflatable objects is to display thier wealth and power. Wouldn't you? It's like "Hey we have some extra money kicking around, what shall we do with it, Sam?" "Why don't we invest in a large and hideous (did I mention tacky) inflatable object to stick on the roof of our business...perhaps it will even draw in more customers, Frank..." "Good idea Sam, get on it right away will you..." "Sure thing Frank, after I'm finished this donut" (Yes I see them as middle-aged and slightly overweight)." -leah


"i think that businesses put HUGE polar bears and so forth on the roofs of the buildings in order to catch the eyes...like they did with yours....next time you drive by a place with something on the roof..if you get a chance..stop by inside the business and ask.."so what's with the polar bear" i'm sure they'd give you some clever answer..and if not..then they're lame..." -channy

"I think that it is a subconscience way in which business owners get people to remember their business and potentially go inside to see what it is." --brooke

A W N H T O C

While working in the cafeteria this week, I got the "privilege" of dealing with the asians who never have their own cutlery, or the AWNHTOC if you will. Well, every day around 12:02, a bunch of these AWNHTOC would come and ask me for a "pork" (translated fork) After three days of telling them "ill give you it today, but tomorrow you have to bring your own" one persistent AWNHTOC came and asked me once more. Sternly, I put on my best authoritative voice, breathed in and let out a good strong, but not scary, "No". Dejected the kid walked away. I felt bad, but hey, I told him 3 times already. I went back to work only to be interrupted not 3 minutes later by the little guy. He looked at me with his deep brown asian eyes and said with a slight plea in his voice "spoon??" Needless to say, I promptly got him the fork he wanted in the first place. Silly little AWNHTOC.

Personality Crisis

There's a new york dolls song entitled "personality crisis" I don't know what the rest of the songs about, but on the topic of personality crisis. It's like, you know who you are, what your about, what your doing and it's all good. Then, by some freak chance you find yourself in a very different place in life. Today, I found myself in a whirwind of uncertainty. Life didn't make sense. The things around me were so blurred, so confusing. All this ended with a clashing sound as I put cash down on the counter. My purchase was bagged, and I headed out of the store. Who am I? How can I think the things I do and yet fall so low? I don't understand. Who is this face I see in the mirror? I bought pants today. Beige pants. Here's the biggie. They're from the GAP. It's ok, my name is still the same, you can reach me at the same phone number, my person is ok, but I don't know who I am. I purchased something from the GAP. I'm so lost. Please, don't treat me any differently, this situation is hard enough as it is. I heard that when you fall in the bottomless pit, you die of starvation. Does body have some luchables? or a juice box? ...I love you too Bret.

change of heart

Before I say anything, I would like to apologize for anything I have said about talking to strangers. It was a load of crock.

Number one worst "opening line" sent my way (the line to start conversation) : "Do you have any rolling papers?" --enough said.

Number one thing not to say to a girl who looks like she is not interested in talking to you: "So can I call you sometime...or am I too much for you?"

Number one worst place to be when such things are said: Waiting for the train, alone sitting inbetween the black guy saying this and a middle age brown guy who thinks you want to know in his broken english about his job at the liquor store.

Number one thing to do when this happens: Go to the next car on the skytrain when it comes.

Number one other thing to do: Pray real hard (as if you weren't already) when the black guy shows up in your train after a few stops.

He left the next stop after I told him I was reading "Battle cry for a Generation" I asked God to kick him off the train.
(and the brown guy stopped looking interested when I said I was going to school to maybe be a pastor)

Now at my last stop, another guy who had seen the black guy talking to me, and saw the look on my face, was concerned if "my friend" was getting off at the same stop. It was the end of the line so ya buddy, he is. The concern in his voice was comforting, so I asked if I could walk off the train with him. He didn't seem to mind, and I knew my ride was right there anyway.

All this to say SCREW functioning member of society. I hate the skytrain.

mumsdollar

I don't know how to creat an official link, but check out this bands myspace sometime, they seem alright.

http://www.myspace.com/mumsdollar

dangerous cookies

Today I went door to door talking to strangers and inviting them to summerjam (the awesome concert that I will be working during....such is life, eh?) But no, I thought I'd give you an update. I still talk to strangers, and hey, so long as they speak english (I had a few flash backs to ministering in mexico where no one understands english, and really, surrey can be something of a little india is what I'm getting at) Really, talking to strangers on the skytrain, that's really puts you in very little danger, but perhaps this door to door stuff could pose more of a problem. Really, I'm just a girl. I talked with some mean looking guys today. I kept picturing this cage of girl guides in the basement. All they were doing was selling cookies. "Really sir, they are only 3 dollars. No I don't want any candy...uhh....no, I don't want to step inside that metal cage......" Yet my mom tells me not to talk to strangers on the train, but door to door in Surrey, now that's better...hmmmm maybe I can check the girl guides blog while she's down there..

Hey Stranger

"Be safe" "be careful" "look before you cross the street" "don't talk to strangers" common sense. All of it. Or at least I should hope.But is one really more careful if told to be so? I don't think so. Do we look before crossing the street because of instruction or out of instinct? And as for strangers, what's so bad about them? I ride the skytrain to work (like a functioning member of society, perhaps another tale for another time) And I am always so tempted to talk to people. Something inside me. Perhaps I don't like to do nothing, and I like to talk, so instead of sitting in silence on the 10 minute ride to work, I would rather chat. But I have been told, no ...trained.....no....I have been brainwashed to not talk to strangers, so I hold my tongue. Sometimes I literally bite down on it to refrain from talking. Why? That's what I'm to do. My Dad talks to strangers all the time, why can't I? I mean, I won't go talking to the guy across from me who smells of alcohol, or the angry couple using other f words than frivolous, frugal or (crap, I still don't remember the third) but maybe the middle aged lady with pain in her eyes, or the old lady who looks so at peace or the young girl pushing a stroller that should be holding her younger sibling but it isn't. Maybe I can talk to them. Cause for real, like everyday, I want to talk to someone, but I don't....Cause they're a stranger, but....then again, you and I were strangers once too....and really, you even check my blog now....

frozen bikes and a working mind

So, I worked for the first time today. Here is what working does to you. I'm talking on the phone with Amanda, right? and I told her that her bike was in the fridge. Yes, that's right Amanda, your bike is in the fridge. No, I left it in the garage, but in my mind after working for the first time in a while, it's in the fridge. I hope this isn't going to happen every time I work...it's no fun to ride a cold bike anyways.

who's Jimmy?

"I have to tell you something....I saw you with Jimmy last night"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play innocent now. I know what I saw."

"....I ...I didn't want you to find out like this."

"You know, I thought you were you were my friend. I really did...I can't even look at you right now. Just....just get out of my car."

as seen in JAM PRODUCTIONS TV Sucks

"F"rivilous

Nothing humors me more than this: "just because" It's this concept, this way of life that truly gets me by. Just because I can, just because I want to, just because it's there. It's a sort of justification for frivolous acts. Frivolous; you may wonder what I mean by that. According to the dictionary, it is Inappropriately silly. I thought that was so funny. Children, yes, children are frivolous...or are they wise? They do what they want, when they want. (and have fun doing it) Why? Just because. Perhaps this sounds ignorant, maybe even immature, but why have we stopped? We never do what we want when we want, and the genius ideas we have never happen. Why? I don't know. We can never justify our frivolous acts. We live with a necessity of reason and necessity of purpose. For life as a whole, of course I agree, but perhaps, (maybe even today), do something you want to. Be inappropriately silly. ...and please, do it just because.

And that's an order!

My mother is great for telling me what I have to do. (oh joy, I love taking orders...) On the way home, a common thing she'll ask is "...and what is the first thing you're going to do when you get home??" Today, pausing for only a second, I reply sarcastically " Go outside and tan. " "Right!" came the reply ....what? ...really? Are you for real? Yes folks, it's true. My mom told me that I had to go out and tan. (it's so I look better in a dress) it just sounds funny comming as an order.

Rafting with Jovi

Going down the thompson river, where if you were standing still, 80 thousand cubic feet of water would rush past you every second, I found my self holding on for dear life. While doing this, I sang. Whatever came to my head really. My favorite of all these was "hold on to what we've got. I doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got this ROPE and thats alot..." I think you get the picture. Sing it a few times in your head till it's stuck. Once again, thanks bon jovi.

"No more idols for you"

I recently produced a short film entitled "Graven Image" It retold the events that took place on the mountain between God and Moses. One of the actors starring as "the candy man" was Jed . Jed passed away yesterday. I was in shock. Big shock. I would like to dedicate Graven Image to him. He was a little "hard headed" at times, but "gnome" matter what, he will always be remembered.Though I have not met his twin, I have heard that they look identical. This will be good for me if I want to make a sequal. Never the less, his memory lives on in "Graven Image" this one's for you man, this one's for you.

note:you know you are oober cool when you quote your own work....

PIna Coladas

Some have coffee with breakfast. The more traditional drink tea. As for me, I started my morning with a pina colada. Unconventional, I know. Because of this, I had the two lines stuck in my head "if you like pina coladas....and getting caught in the rain" And so I walked around all day singing these lines to myself. But, these two things are completely unrelated. Of course, if you had a pina colada and got caught in the rain all at the same time, well then I'd say you were accomplished. So I think the next time I have a pina colada, I shall drink it out side, and hope to get caught in the rain. It sounds...It sounds very nice.

Thanks Bon Jovi

Upon opening the plastic bag marked TNT market to reveal my take out Asian lunch, I look down to something that brought a smile to my face, really it did. Four simple words. I mean, some phrases become so trite that they don't matter. How's it going? Sleep well! Yet somehow seeing these words made me laugh, and If they printed it on all the styrofoam take out boxes, and really, it only worked this once, I think it was well worth the effort. So thanks bon jovi and uh... have a nice day.

Go Fly a Kite

first, I must comment on the beautiful weather. I cannot begin to
speak of how amazing it is. I spent a good hour outside basking in the
splendor of the great circle, catching some rays, getting a tan....i
mean studying biology...yes (actually I was doing homework) But
really, I am in awe. Now, here's the cool thing : today, I was over by
the college, and what the girls do is put all the stuff they don't
want out in the hallways so that others can take it if they want it.
Most everything was gone, but I figured...I'm may not be dutch, but
nothings better than free eh? so i rummaged for a bit.  Hark! what is
this neon thing I see?? could it be?? Is it?? oh my...it is !! it is a
kite!! Joy of joys I snatched as a fat kid would the last cookie on
earth. I got a kite. I didn't have one before. it's a nice kite too.
No string, but nobody said that free was perfect , eh? Last sunday
would've been nice, but now, I have a kite to call my own....so
...bring on the beach. : )

Duel

I drew my sword and challenged my opponent to a duel. En guard! I cried, circling around her like a predator and it's prey. Slash! Our swords clanged together making swooshing sounds like arrows flying past your head. I climbed the ladder that stood beside me. "I can't climb that Jen, I'm wearing a skirt!" The story that had unfolded so nicely in my head came to an alarming halt as reality sunk in. I put down the church bulletin I had rolled into sword and sighed as I thanked Sandra for playing along with me as long as she did. Today again, while walking with Amanda, I found myself slicing the air with my sword. Jabbing and poking and dancing around like an idiot. Even now, as I sat down to check my mail and such, I found myself googling fencing venues in the lower main land. Why this sudden craze in my head?? I dunno. and I uhhh... I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand? --I don't always [end] conversations this way... Cause if so, I'll have to kill you. But how about you put down your rock and I put down my sword and we try to kill each other like civilized people. Much better.

childhood revisited

Like the sand box, koolaid or really tacky clothing, trees have always been a fond memory of childhood. Out of "not so sudden" urge, I claimed a tree yesterday. Low branches were scarce, so I had to use tall ladder to get anywhere near a branch. And so I climbed. Up, up. Oh wow, Im as tall as my house. Up, up. I can see the road. Up. my house even looks small...I wonder what my neighbor thinks of me..... So I got there, to as far as I was going that is, and after surveying the "area" (tape measure and all) I climbed down. I went back in my house, only half satisfied. I didnt get the "samples" I wanted. (samples which would have to be taken from up high, for if not, it could making getting down ...harder.) I headed up again, this time with a saw hanging out of my pocket (I do not recommend this type of climbing. And so, I got what I went for, though, to those it may concern, preferred size was not met, nor was preferred "straitness" met either. Plan B I believe is necessary... for shame..... I do believe that despite my disappointment, i did find I new...old favorite past time... anyone for a good climb?

Robots

As a result of non-interesting looking other movies, I rented robots and watched it with a few friends tonight. It was acctually quite funny. The funniest part, by far happened in about 2 seconds and made the whole movie for me. In one of the buildings, the signs on the doors for the bathrooms were not labled with the standard pictures, but the pictures if either the female or male end of an electrical cord. (get it??) This naturally looses like all the fun casue you didn't see the picture, bu t really, if for only those 2 seconds, you should see robots.

comments on comments

In speaking with my father about my previous post, which I don't usually do, he commented that the box should say "the Newton library may be hazardous to your health. Read at your own risk" I found it quite funny....

"Dirty" Books

I was at the library today, and saw somthing...well...you be the judge. The ladies at the check out line thing were wearing clear latex-y gloves. I am quite confuzed. Are they not touching the same books and vidoes that I am?? Are the book so unsanitary that they need these gloves? I understand that these book do get around, but can't they just wash their hands? It makes you feel a little uneasy doesn't it? Why do I not get gloves?? there should be a big box of gloves at the door of the library that says "Take one, we're unsanitary in here" Or "watch out for bacteria" or somthing. I think that latex would become a more developed industry as a result... latex gloves indeed.

beautiful

I've been relizing something about girls recently. I sat down intending on writing something about pride and prejudice. i was going to go for a sappy "I thought it was so wonderful" kind of review, but I can't. Not because the movie wasn't wonderful, but I have other things to say. As I was saying at the beginning, I've been realizing some things about girls recently. Has anyone told you today that you are beautiful? I've been observing something I havn't taken the time to appreciate before. I've been seeing what I haven't before, because I'm looking where I haven't been. I've seen beauty. Not outward beauty. Not just another pretty face. It's your heart girls. I think that your heart is beautiful. There is something about your heart, I cannot even begin to describe how precious it is. So delicate, so deep, so lovley. I don't know where all this is comming from. I suppose I just begun to take appreciation for what I never did before. Im not ususally this sentimental, it's just that this concept has struck me these past few days. Your heart is beautiful. I hope you belive it too....I suppose that captivating is getting to me. Let us blame this on that....yes let's.There's some lamo country sounding song the goes "she don't know she's beautiful" ...(i dont know any other lines...) but I think that so many don't know they are beautiful cause they think that beauty resides in the mirror. It does not. it comes out in your laugh, it comes out in you conversation, it comes out in your attitude. You beauty comes out when you live. When your attitude is radiant, your beauty shines through. I am convinced. Nothing on earth is more beautiful then a womans heart. Girls, you are beautiful.

You lazy dog...

I have a question to ask. if anyone could give me a rather beleiveable answer, that be way cool. Why "the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog" Why? where'd it come from. Why do we use it. It is used to show fonts, thats the only place i think Ive seen it. very strange...very very strange...maybe it a code of some sort, and they sent it all over the world....I knew they were up to somthing. In other news, fav quote of the day " I love them!! I love them !! You hate them compared to how much I love them!!" (it's from madagascar....)

Foreign Food

The other day I went on a grand adventure with my good friend. We embarked on a mission to find china town. The intent being that we would buy Chinese food to eat. I found very little of interest, and long and short of it, ended up purchasing a steam bun from the steam bun store in Whalley, across from Safeway. Hey, at least being white didn't make me a minority in whalley.....

Days Like Today

So, I'm walking down the street, and I says to myself (I knew it was me cause I recognised the voice) "It looks as thought it might rain...." You know, I heard a little saying (seeminly one to many times) that the rain in spain stays mainly in the plain. I wish that surrey was spain, and not just to upgrade the our ghetto biulding to cool ones either. It simply rains far too often.....and of course then you have days like today....

Today started out like a normal day, although the frost on the grass threw me off a little. School starts, I'm studying (biology mind you...see, I told you "I'm a good girl I am!! AYYY!!) "Look" cries one "It's snowing!!" and by golly, he was right. Snow. In March. How am I suppose to get into the "swing of spring" if the weather starts to play these kind of tricks??? Outrageous, really. It was a confuzing day, But on the other hand....

It was a gIorious day. i loved it. it was so beautiful. I stood outside in the snow just looking at it, allowing the snowflakes to land softly on my face. They were such large flakes, they look as if they wer feathers softly floating...I twirled around, as if I hadn't a care in the world, simlpy enjoying the moment, eating it up, if I may. It was almost magical....I love days like today

But this weirdo skitsophrenic weather has got to stop. I love the snow, but then, take a look outside. What do you see?? Nothing! You can't even tell that it snowed, and thats "snow good" at all. As if the weather said I'm rain, or am I sun, I'm snow, or even hail. My name is Fred, I'm Bob, Nice to meet you, I'm Joe, or better yet Cindy. ....umm (insert some joke about talking to yourself here, I can't think of any...) I guess I just don't understand days like today.

E M O

This is an emo picture. I really can say little else about it. Once, we thought we were "hardcore", now we know, chelle, you're emo.

M(y) emo note book. I'm so sad.

Disclamer: we none of us really are emo....or sad for that matter...so far as I know....

Love sick...or just sick

There was song I heard long ago...it goes sometimes like this..."And oh, Im the great pretender....Pretending in all my ways ..." So here goes nothing. I love biology. I enjoy it, find delight in it. I think about it while I'm at school and while I'm at home. I find entertainment in it. I can never get enough of it. Its just so blooming fun.

Did I convince you? I hope so, cause if you could convince me of it, life would be easier......well, back to the books....(rolling of the eyes)

My Fair recommendation

I watched My Fair Lady the other day. I must say, that movie is absolutely delightful. I grinned on the inside most all of the time. I laughed often, and snickered when I wasn't laughing,( though it wasn't meant to be a "laugh out loud" comedy) I really found it to be quite a smashing success. It was marvelous, a genius work of art. It was, I lower my head to say, a musical. I am not fond of musicals, and that would be an understatement, but I loved this one. I'm not sure why. Maybe because the songs added to the story and plot, they weren't just songs, they were important ideas to the film, only in verse and rhyme. The scripting was so clever and witty. Classic, most definatly a classic. If you have yet to indulge yourself in this epic movie, it's not too late, and I dare say, I recommend it.

heres our Flippin' Awesome standard

Ignite held alot of things for me. Though the speakers were great, I learned the most from just being there and playing my part. I didn't go to Ignite intending to receive. I went to give. I went to pour out. In doing so, in creating that flow in my life, God was able to pour in to me. If you come intending to receive only, you can only fill up to full, but when you are pouring out, that's when God gets to FLOW through you. The whole weekend was amazing. We did so much. From our worship to our video, we more than "one upped" ourselves from last year. To sum up the weekend in one word, I would have to say freedom. Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. We danced on Satan. We crushed him under our feet. Hands once chained were lifted up in reckless abandonment and absolute worship. Seeing that release of freedom was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Ignite was, as we like to say at firestorm, flippin' awesome.

habitual sin

Whether one defines it as sin or action taken because of the present circumstance, I have done it again. Wait--let me correct myself. I have done it again and again and again. Every time I'm at a store, I look for purses. I have even taken my free time and made specific trips just to look for a purse. (so I did once, but still--once is still one too many) wait-- twice. Oh man, thats like double sin....what has become of me?? Either way, the present circumstance of the nature in which I carry belongings is screaming to one horrible conclusion. That I must get a purse. Whats worse is that I want to get one that goes with my jacket. As in "looks good with". Without clash. Coordinating colors. eww...

In other news, I started a habit of drinking green tea. I like it now. I never thoght I would. It beats making my own coffee in the mornings though...

Exerpts from Exodus

So Moses is talking with the burning bush. God's talking about bringing the israelits to the wilderness for a little worship retreat. God even goes to the extent to say that the israelits will have favor in the eyes of the egyptians as they leave, and that when they leave, they won't be going empty handed. Good deal- then Moses pipes in. "Suppose the people won't believe me or listen..." I imagine God shaking His head. "what's in you hand?' ....I imagine a pause from our friend ..."a rod..." comes the timid reply. "That'll do." ...a sigh of relief comes on Moses's part. "Gee, now that I know that this rod will save my neck...Im so glad we cleared that up God.." No. I think Moses still didn't get it. God does go on to demonstrate His power which clams the fears of our friend. God ended up doing some crazy things with that rod, the climatic moment being the parting of the red sea.
Down to our level. There's things that God asks us to do. Small things, big things...whatever. We're all like..."ok God, good plan but 'suppose' (fill in excuse here)" and He asks "what's in you hand?" And we're like "not much, just this( fill in seemingly useless item here.) " " Good" comes the reply "One day we'll part the waters with it."

JAM

an email I wrote...
"So if I desired as to eat a sandwich, would there be sufficient supply? Or would I make the effort to bake bread, (350 F ) cut it with a knife on a white plastic cutting board as well as spread the peanut butter( hopfully it's the creamy kind, the other is too "nutty", of course...it is peaNUT butter after all...) and would I do all this only to find tartinade in the cupboard? not only that. First of all, it isn't even marmalade, they couldn't even give me that, but it's all the way at the back of the cupboard, near the tapioca mix and the icing sugar. I made the effort once to get the right stuff, but there was only an imposter...plus I had to reach back so far... It is rather out of the way.

Translation: Is there the jam at your place tomorrow night? I don't want to make a trip for nothing. I appoligize if I am so confusing..I am what I am.... "

identity crisis

I have hit, what I shall refer to from now on, as ROCK BOTTOM. I don't know what do do with myself. Who am I? what has become of the Jen I know?....I don't know. Today I...I can't even say.This is like an unforgivable sin. A wrong doing that has wronged me to the depth of who I am. Ok, I do it all at one time.*deep breath*... I went shopping for a purse. --akward silence..... hey, did you hear that pin drop? I could have sworn I heard a pin... no? But you havn't heard the half of it. I was saved from ultimate condemnation and shame because I didn't find one, but...instead of a purse I walked away with hiar accessories, necklaces and body spray. Is this not worse? Maybe not. The purse was intentional...like a pre-planned murder. The other stuff was "in the moment" and self defensive...(against sales that is). But in defence of my own pride, I was looking for more of a shoulder bag so to speak, then I was a purse. I found lots of purses, but I need just the right one. Unique but not tacky (at least not too tacky) small, but still useful. Classic, (so I don't need to go through this experience again anytime soon) yet modern enough that it dosn't look like it came from my grandmothers closet. I ask alot, but this whole ordeal is costing me alot, not in money necessarily, but if pride had points, all my brownies could be concidered eaten right about now. Since I'm here at rock bottom, could somebody pass me a lunchables....or a juice box? ....aww...I love you too Bret.

of concern

I was across the border this past weekend. I have a small concern. Canada could be filled with creeps and terrorist and all other sorts of evil villains, and "we just don't know. Can we trust someone we don't know about? We just dont't know. We are not making this up. We're not allowed to make stuff up . "(sorry, that one only a few will get) but really. I crossed the border with a group of friends. I not only needed a passport but a letter from my parents saying that I was allow to go. Gee, I felt cool. "daddy, can you pweese sign dis so I can go on the road trwip wif my frwends??" argg. So they let us into the states. Now this is completely not connected, but my starbucks cost me the same american as it would canadian. (Now THAT is unnerving in itself.) Anyways, here's the real issue. Coming back into Canada, there is a small toll booth type "hut" and they guy asked if where we were from, and what we bought. That was it. Not looking at documents. Who else have the let into my homeland?? Im slightly concened. You should be too. Just think, I could be a deranged murderer, and you are so oblivious that you even read my blog....

Out Cold

The clock screams. I wake up, the cold bites at my hands. The morning is dark. I dare not remove myself from the blankets that contain warmth. please, don't make me get out....the clock screams silently with red numbers that tell me to rise. Please...it's so cold...I can't. Frozen feet hit the floor, another morning has dawned, and other day of life begun.

Ok, so maybe it wasn't all the bad, but the hot water heater busted, and my house is cold untill it's fixed. This morning was like one of those harsh winter mornings when the air is so cold, you want to stay in bed all day just to avoid it, but you can't. When I opened my bedroom door there was a gush of warm air. Ah, warmth. Delighful, really. I suppose I could have slept with my door open and taken some heat from the gas fireplace downstairs, but who sleeps with thier door open anymore...

Bathroom Humor

Have you ever been to Moxies? I was at the one down town yesterday, and the coolest thing was in the bathroom . wait...first let's start from the beginnig. I love that restaurant. I love the decore, and the ambiance, or feeliing of the place.. I really like it. now that that's out of the way..., the bathroom, amazing. Huge room, TV, fire place...and when you look at the inside of the stall doors, the white plexy-glass-like-stuff changes color, but only from the inside.It is amazing, really. I was so impressed ( and perplexed at how they did it) that I went and excitedly told Sandra. She wanted to see, and myself, knowing that the food was far off, came along to see what she thought. She goes in the same stall I had view this wonder from. " ...it's not changing color..." Well, surely it is, I was just in there a second ago. I check the another stall. It changes color, as the first one did. Strange that Sadra could not see it... "But this one does..." I answer. ''Jen.." -hesitant pause-"it's the color from the TV' --laugher errupts from the bathroom as I realise my stupidity. Go to Moxies, it's really cool. Imagine, being showed up by the blond. Sorry Sandra.

enough

Hello, I'm calling ...hello, I'm calling on behalf of..calling....behalf...Hello.....argg. I 've definatly had enough. You know your job sucks when you don't want school to end cause you know you have to go to work... Thanks for your time, have a great evening, bye.

Me First

Say what you will.
Call it concern.
Call it complaint.
Some "draw the line"
I draw a circle,
slowly step inside
Lord, let revival start in this circle.

a horse of course

What are we teaching our kids these days? I was babysitting earler, and the girl I was watching got sick of playing school and looks at me and says, "do you want me to give you a tattoo?" So she pulls out this tattoo kit, I kid you not, made all purple and sparlky and you spray on tattoos. Are you not as shocked as I? I mean, are the biker types trying to get them hooked early? I don't know. I used to be all 'pro tattoo', now they repulse me, so my opinin on tattooed children may be biased, cause I don't really like tattooed adults either, but really guys, what is the world comming to? I though little girls are supposed to dream about being princesses in gorgeous gowns, and being swept off thier feet onto valiant steed, riding into sunset with prince charming. Not tight leather and pericings, being hoisted onto a harley and speeding off down the street to the bar with some guy who will wear his first, second and third girlfriends names on his arm untill he dies. What has become of childhood I ask you, what has become of it...harley or horse, you choose.

Weirded Out

One day a number of years ago, I was in the mall with my cousin doing christmas shopping. We're in some store and there's a guy working there. Rather fowl mouthed, and dispite his christian t-shirt and bracelet, he percedes to show us all the dirty shirst they have...calling them funny. I akwardly look away, trying not to create too much tention. Typical shopping experiance, but as a leave the store, I have this feeling in my spirit like Im not done with him yet. As if God was saying" No, you are not done with him yet." ( and no, this is not an "I like this guy I keep seeing." I would write the same for a girl) Not right then, but I was sure I would encounter him in the future. No kidding, the next night I saw him at a church service. Then maybe a year later at the a street church thing. Then later at a concert. Maybe a few other times too. Today, I saw him again. This time, today, at my school. I belive he is going to PLBC, I saw him talking to the secreary at the college office. ....I'm really weirded out. What is he doing here? Am I paranoid? Is this all coincidance? I don't even remamber his name. The few times I did talk to him, I didn't particularily like him. So weirded out...you have no idea.

IN, not through

So, if you read my last entry, you'll wonder how this happened. If you didn't...you can so that you understand, or you can not, and think that I am a pleasant girl.... here goes nothing...

From my back corner of the room, I can see almost everything. From the teachers whom I've come to love and call friends, to my classmates who are like family to me. I mean, really, I don't go to school with acquaintances, I go to school with people whom I have come to know by not just name but by preferences, favorite movies, laughs we have shared, inside jokes....Everything. These walls I have so long despised have become a comfort to me. A place I know as refuge. A place in which I have experience the finer things of life. These walls have become, dare I say...home to me. I know I can step into class and have a good laugh, a real good laugh. I can sit back and enjoy just being there. Yes- it is school. Yes I have to do work, but something I've realized is that when you can have fun in a "business" type setting, you know that you are among friends. I've heard it said that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I have, for the last 12 years of my life, counted down to this year. I have longed to get out of this place that I've been in. I can't wait to be all "growed up" But now, though I do look forward to graduating, I am, in my heart, at a stand still. I have a great school. I have a great life. I know people who I I really think are gifts from God. I appreciate them so much, and I can't dare to think that I would spend these last few months wasting this time. Wishing I was out. Counting down days rather than cherishing them. I don't know if you can see my heart in this. I hope you can. To make this truly honest, a tear just rolled down my cheek. I feel blessed. Truly blessed. I don't want to wish this season away. I don't want to waste these precious moments. I have it good where I am. Real good. If nothing else, you have realized that yes, Jen really is a softy. But if I portrayed my insides the way I wanted to, you're analyzing your life. Thinking about the things you have taken for granted, the people you know and that places you're at. The season of you life that God has places you in, not to count down to the next season, living simply through seasons but to live IN this one.
cheers,
and please don't hold my softness against me, I am not this way all the time...

all good things come to an end...

It is with great grief in my heart that I write this... I have enjoyed these past two weeks, the freedom of the "un sceduled" life. Where nothing mattered. Bed was but I place I went when I was tired, not a place I went cause the clock said so.... oh I don't know how I'll manage...it's been good, but I suppose all good things come to an end. Not very optmistic, but thats life. I don't know, it just that life with out the "i go to high school in the morning" seems to sounded better in my head. (here I go preaching at myself again) Im reminded of Ester, in the bible...For such a time as this....this...here now in highschool, though I wish to leave these four walls...oh how I wish....I think they hold me back...but I was ment to be here...and now ....We sing " I wanna be a history maker in this land" THIS land speaks of here and now... THIS time ...THIS season. if only THIS season seemed more appealing...